Father's Day

            Everyday at work I am faced with the consequences of fatherless families. Children are not outright delinquents, however many come into the Pediatric clinic with the life scars of an old veteran: their failing multiple classes, talking in class, fighting with others or take their anger out on their siblings at home. Many of us Pediatricians hang our heads low, accepting this glitch as a reality of our society. I am so accustomed, in fact, that my intake on a well child exam caters to addressing these problems.

            Today in clinic I was taken by surprise. My clinic was the same, my afternoon clinic hours were the typical and my routine of scrambling to keep up with waiting patients persisted as usual. I looked up suddenly and saw a rather husky man wandering the clinic hall. He didn’t quite fit in to our peach pastel walls and circus animal framed pictures, to say the least. I inquired: “Excuse me sir, is your child in one of the rooms?”

"I'll be waiting in the waiting room," he said with a quiver in his voice. I felt like I interrupted a previous conversation, but that was his reply to my question.

“I’m sorry, is your child here?” I asked. This time turning to Sylvia, perhaps this made more sense to her.

“He’s the father of your next patient,” Sylvia explained.

Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. "Is she here for a well child check?" I asked the father.

"Yeah, but I can't be in the room when she gets her shots," he replied. “I just can’t be there when she cries, my wife knows. She’s in the room.”

The tall, husky, Lakers-jersey wearing irony standing in front of me had me chuckling on the inside. However, I kept a stern face and briskly, escorted the man into the patient's room. Inside awaited mom, holding a very petite two-year old that had fallen asleep in her arms. Next to me sat her 4-year old sister and the patient’s Lakers diaper bag. "Have a seat, let's go over a few things," I instructed. 

We started our review of the five million questions I ask during a well child check. “Do you have any concerns today? Is there any cough-cold-fever-vomiting-diarrhea-constipation?" If I could put it all into one word I would. It would sound something like: “any cofevomitediarripation?” I continue: “Do you have any concerns about her behavior?"

The dad explained that she tantrums at times. Tantrums are not atypical for a two year old, but it is the extent of them that gives me a gauge on disciplining and parenting skills. 

"I defer to him. He's home with the girls most of the day," mom explained.

He quickly replied: "Oh, I put her on time-out."

That is music to a pediatrician's ears. If I had a "Dad of the Day" badge, it was going to him. We transitioned into talking about her diet. The girl was petite, though still growing quite fine. I continued with my barrage of five million questions: “Do you have any difficulties around eating?” A quiet silence fell over the room. He didn't say much, his face said it all; it was a face of defeat.

After a while a pediatrician just knows: At lunch there will be one plate of food, four precisely sliced hot dog pieces, two spoons of corn and a ½ slice of bread on the side. The two-year old in malicious defiance will sit there for thirty minutes and only drink her milk. Then 6' 5", 220 pound dad will sit down next to her. At first he will try the method of gentle coercion, followed by bribery. Her mouth will close tightly in protest. Bribery gets tossed out the kitchen window. Empty threats thunder down from burly dad in his Laker's jersey: "Lela, you have to eat this or else..." The protest raises. Dad pushes harder and is… once again defeated by his petite 25-pound daughter. 

At the end of our, likely emotionally draining, discussion I sat in admiration for this father. Nothing else mattered, but the emotional and physical health of his two daughters. All the mothers and fathers that take time out to bring their children in for well child care together always makes me glow. I realized that so much of my attention goes into identifying and helping the fatherless families, of which there are too many. So much of society's attention goes into highlighting the fatherless homes of which so many of our lower economic youth are raised. This Saturday I left wondering why not give more attention and praise to all those men out there doing it right? My hats go off to all the wonderful fathers, especially the ones who come in for their child's well child checks, as you have made a pediatrician's day.