India Railway Travel: Hours of Awkwardness and Entertainment (part 1)

            “What am I supposed to do? Everyone is sleeping, I don’t have anywhere to sit!” he barks. The bark turns into a tantrum as he yells irrationally waking everyone on the train up: “ This is the time to wake up and they are sleeping in the only place I can sit!”  I glanced at my watch: 5:15 AM.

            I am on route from Valsar, Gujarat to Delhi. The randomness of the overnight train experience is often entertaining at the least and thought provoking at best. In this case, it is the elderly couple sitting across from me that intrigues me. It is the way they handle themselves, handle each other and cope with having to climb up to the upper berths to sleep that is of particular interest.

            The first time I saw them they came with a khooli. In India a khooli comes with a mixed review: partly opportunist waiting to sneak an extra buck off you, partly the extreme poor forced to do extreme tasks in order to survive. I often see two bags on a head, a suitcase in the right hand and a box being dragged by the left. Whatever one’s feeling is, after watching Amitabh rock the movie “Khooli,” I’ll always have a soft spot for them. I have learned to circumvent my guilt vs.“I-won’t-get-ripped-off” internal turmoil by carrying my bags myself. It’s actually not that hard. I pull out the handle and roll the bag behind me.

            It is rather Indian to take a seemingly simple task and make it more complicated for the sake of providing human labor. I’ve had quite a few khooli’s resistant to using the “pulling contraption” on the suitcase, just to pick it up and put it on there head. Munish and I used to remark about the seven person line required to pass a crate of dirt 3 yards down the road.

            The elder couple came in with the khooli. I watched with great interest; waiting for the money haggle to begin. The elderly gentlemen opened his wallet and pulled out some cash. The khooli opened what he was given and quickly began to thank the elderly gentlemen with great gratitude. “I moved your bags okay? Can I shift them anywhere else?”

            I love watching people do surprising good deeds, as the satisfaction is even greater. The truth is that in India the opportunities are abound and the deeds done are many. I couldn’t help but think about what a sophisticated man this is. His wife followed close behind him.

The husband and wife sat down as the train began to pick up steam. Images of the lush greenery of South Gujarat flashed by us. We all peacefully stared out our windows, lost in our own thoughts.

“Chai, coffee, chai, coffee,” the lanky train food server chanted breaking me out of my daze. Soon after he brought our meals: roti, yogurt, lentils, rice, paneer, vegetable curries and dessert. To the airline travel-starved American, this whole service is like riding first class for free. 

I glanced over at the elder couple across the aisle from me. The elder gentlemen not only ate his meal, but watched with great caution that his wife ate in comfort as well. For all the negative hype traditional, pre-arranged couples get, there is a certain beauty in watching two people maintain their assigned roles in support for each other.

Dinner finished and he quickly began to prepare his space for him and her. His wife sat on the lower berth, doubled over, waiting patiently for him to arrange her sheets and blanket.

In the middle of arranging their beds, the train came to a stop. We appeared to be at a small Gujarati town, not unlike the one I got on at. A small fleet of passengers disembarked and an equally small group boarded. The five new passengers hustled in: the women sitting down alas and sighing in great relief, the men pushing and tugging bags under the seat to make space for their own. Now there were seven people crammed into two long rows facing each other made for six. Additionally, the berths had already been lowered by the elderly gentlemen, as he was mid bed making. The new passengers sat with their necks craned and, to my surprise, did not make any fuss about their predicament.

            The train experience is more than thought provoking.  It is a challenge in agility, grace and consideration. We all sit on the first level. Since we all are sleeping on the train at some point the second level berth has to be lowered so the person assigned to that seat can set up their bed and go to sleep. On top of them is a third berth. Each level is separated by about 2.5 foot distance; if you are on the third, you are forced to make your bed while lying in it with your head smashed into the ceiling of the train. God forbid you need to go to the bathroom and you aren’t familiar with the India ways. Your experience will involve a combination of flexing those quadriceps, balancing over a hole and fear of falling in. God forbid you forget toilet paper, you are literally "shit out of luck." Going to the bathroom is always my greatest train challenge.

            The elder lady of the couple was assigned to the middle berth and her task was great: she was forced to climb some bars to hoist herself into the middle berth. With the grace of a baby giraffe she planted one foot in the iron loop provided and the other foot in the iron loop on the other side. I looked up to see the fragile old woman straddling the aisle of our train car in her sari, her thigh and my face intimately shared more space then they could have ever imagined. I was quickly reminded of my college roommate that would always change her clothes two inches from my bed while I was sleeping in the morning. Her bare-naked ass and my face, too, spent more time up-close-and-personal than they could have ever imagined. Weird times.  Her husband, with equal fear and concern, launched her bottom off the palms of his hands on to the second berth. With one big heave she tossed herself on the berth, her bottom half clung on to the top in desperation as it lay hanging in the aisle. Slowly, she waddled her way on to her bed. The elderly man looked exasperated, but relieved. I too breathed a sigh of relief with the passengers with craned necks below her. We thought all had finally settled, but the worse was yet to come…